If Things Had Been Different
by SparxFlame
Summary: What if Rosethorn had died of the pox, and Briar had been unable to save her? Briar's reaction to her death. Seems like a Briar/Tris, not intended to be.
1. Prologue: Grief and Blame

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters in here, they belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Prologue: Briars POV**

"Briar…"

"No."

"Briar, please…"

"NO!" I lay curled over Rosethorn's motionless form She could not be dead. It simply was not possible. Rosethorn the survivor, Rosethorn the indestructible… could not be _dead_. Could she?

"Come on Briar. Let go." Niko's cool, calm voice filtered through my grief. He did not sound sad. How could he be _happy_, at a time like this, when the world was spiralling down, crumbling. I was distantly aware of Lark crying, and the girls trying to enter my mind, trying to comfort me. I shut them out. They had no right to be there, I did not want them feeling what I felt.

Strong hands grasped me under my arms, lifting me up, trying to tear me away from Rosethorn. None of the girls were strong enough to do that. Niko! How dare he! What right did he have, to take me from her? I snarled at him, hissing threats and curses, thrashing, trying to get back to Rosethorn. Niko held me, made me watch as they took the body away. That, for me, was the real death, the final proof that she was gone. And Niko… Niko had caused that, Niko had taken me from her. Niko was to blame, not the pox. Strange twisted logic, that somehow made sense to me.

I tore out of Niko's hold, and ran. Not after Rosethorn; Niko had crushed that last hope. But to my room. To my _shaakan_, the only thing that could possibly even touch my grief, my anger, now. I hauled it up onto the roof, climbing up after, and warded a circle round me. I did not want anyone coming after me, attempting to reason with me just then. I curled myself around my _shaakan_, tears falling thick and fast down my face. I made no attempt to wipe them away, knowing more would replace them just as quickly. The sun, sitting low on the horizon, cast a bloody red light on everything it touched. Oh, irony. I continued to cry, my tears turned to blood in the half-light. I was safe up here, on the roof, where my sisters could not see me, my weakness. I felt my shaakan stretch its branches to rest on my cheek, trying to comfort me. But it was a futile gesture. Nothing could help me now.

A/N Please review, will try and update soon.


	2. Loosing Control

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. I'm in a legal rights battle with Tamora Peirce's lawyers as we speak, though. Not.

**2. Loosing Control**

_Briars POV_

"Briar… Briar?" Tris' voice, unusually soft, floated across the gap between us. I nodded to her, not wanting to speak. I wasn't sure my voice would hold. I lowered my barrier as she approached. She'd have probably been able to break through it, anyway. I didn't want to waste time and energy fighting with her. Sitting down next to me, she handed me a cup of brown, bitter liquid – coffee. "I… I thought you might want this. After sitting on the roof all night, I mean." I could feel her presence at the edge of my mind as she spoke, trying to get in. I ignored it, and managed a 'Thanks' aimed at Tris, before I fell silent again. I wrapped my hands round the warm beaker, watching the steam coil lazily in the morning air. " I never realised it would hurt this much, loosing her." Tris looked up, startled by the sound of my voice. Although it didn't sound much like me. Maybe that was why she looked round. "I know," she replied, swallowing, trying not to cry. "I didn't even know her that well, but it still feels…"  
"Wrong." I finished her sentence for her. I knew her well enough to guess what she was going to say. We sat there together, watching the sun come up.

Eventually I asked where the other girls were. "Sandry's with Lark. They're both really upset, Lark the most. Daja's in the forge. She was in there all night, and won't come out or tell me what she's doing. I think working with her magic helps to calm her down."  
"What about you?" I asked.  
" I tried… I tried to use magic, but everything comes out as lightning! What if… Briar, what if I've lost control?" I could tell she was really worried by this thought, especially if she was admitting it to me. "Then that'll make two of us." I muttered gloomily. She looked shocked. "You've lost control? Oh, Briar!" She reached out and put an arm round my shoulders. I nodded, feeling tears prick my eyes. I ignored them as they started to fall steadily down my cheeks. "Every time I reach for my magic, all I see is her. Rosethorn. I… I think I've lost it for good, Tris. I can't use my magic."

"Can't, or don't want to?" asked a crisp voice behind me. I whirled around, automatically slipping my knives into my palms. Niko was standing there, brushing straw thatch from his clothes. "Who're_ you_ to judge me?" I snarled at him, raising my barrier once more to surround Tris and me. I was exercising all my self-restraint not to attack him, to try and punish him for what I believed he had done. "Shove off, Niko." I didn't think he would attack us, but my days as a street rat had taught me never to take people at face value. In my mind, confused as it was by Rosethorn's death, I had defaulted back to the old Briar – street rat, thief and gang member.

Niko sighed, "Tris, I would like a word with Briar. Please leave." Tris hesitated, something I was grateful for. If she had left right away, I would have felt betrayed. "Trissana…" Niko's voice was light and pleasant, but there was a definite warning to it. He never used Tris' full name unless he was running out of patience. Tris walked towards the small trapdoor in the roof. To my surprise, as she passed Niko, she hissed, "If you upset Briar in any way, I will make sure you pay dearly for it!" Niko's eyes widened. I guess Tris had never threatened him before. Ah well, live some, learn some.

A/N PLEASE REVIEW!! Tell me what you think.


	3. Loosing Myself

Disclamer: Still don't own it. My lawyers lost the battle. I will have to be sneakier next time.

**3. Loosing Myself**

**Tris' POV**

I was scared. Scared for Briar, for his sanity. He had looked quite mad as the men came to take Rosethorn's body away. If Niko hadn't been restraining him, he would've probably attacked them. That was the most scared I had ever been, including the earthquake, the pirate attack or the forest fire. I was afraid my brother was loosing his mind. Sandry was in tears, Daja wasn't talking, Niko was as impassive as ever… who was I to turn to?

"Briar… Briar?" I spoke softly, not wanting to startle him. He nodded, which I took as an invitation to approach. As I went to sit next to him, he lowered a barrier I hadn't even realised was there. I handed him a cup of coffee, saying, "I… I thought you might want this. After sitting on the roof all night, I mean." As I spoke, I nudged at his mind, trying to get in, but to no avail. He still didn't want me in his head. He nodded at my words, and even managed to say thank you this time. We sat in silence for a while, me sipping my coffee, him gazing at the gardens spread out in front of us. "I never realised it would hurt this much, loosing her." I looked round, shocked. That couldn't be _Briar's_ voice. But there was no one else around. It was a horrible, strained sound, ragged and quiet, as if every word caused him unbearable pain. I had to restrain myself, use all my will power not to put my arm around him. He would not appreciate such gestures of pity. But the creature sitting next to me was not Briar. It was a ghost, a mockery of him, stripped of all energy and emotion. I think half of him had died with Rosethorn, that night.

**Briar's POV**

Niko and I sat facing each other across the roof, neither of us wanting to break the silence. Eventually, I turned my back on him and continued to gaze out at the gardens before me. When he finally spoke, I did not bother to turn around. "Briar, this has to stop." When I did not reply, he continued, "I have seen to many of my colleagues, my friends, waste away like this. They renounced their magic, but they couldn't escape it. It followed them, haunted them. They were driven crazy by it. Eventually, they couldn't control it, and they died, consumed by their own power. I care for you too much to let you go the same way."

"Has it occurred to you that perhaps I don't care?" my voice was toneless. I could no longer sum up the energy to feel any emotion. My sorrow had been replaced by an empty sort of apathy. It was easier to handle myself this way. "Then I would say you are very selfish. Even if you don't care about your life, the girls and me and all the other adults most certainly do! Briar, you must stop this!"

"Just because you don't care, 'cause you never feel anything, doesn't mean everyone is like you!" I screamed at him. I was crying again, but I didn't care. Niko opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't want to listen anymore. I rushed past him, down the trapdoor, and out of the house. I found myself sitting in the middle of Rosethorn's favourite garden, sobbing loudly. Slowly, the anger drained away, replaced by an idea, an escape plan. Maybe I had known all along that it would come to this, just not admitted it to myself. Settling down on the warm earth, I plunged my hands and feet into the soil and dropped into the source of my power.

A/N Ooh, cliffie! What will Briar do? How will the girls react? Find out next time! Review, please!!


	4. Mixed Magics

Disclaimer: I've decided to try and own Harry Potter now. Got bored of arguing with Tamora Pierce.  
A/N Bits in italics are mind-speech. Kinda obvious, but incase anyone's brain is on holiday, there you are.

**4. Mixed Magics**

**Tris' POV**

I heard shouting up on the roof. Briar rushed past me, in tears again. Furious, I started towards the house, and climbed the ladder to the roof. When I got there though, Niko wasn't there. Instead I glanced out towards the gardens, and saw Briar sitting in the middle of one, Rosethorn's favourite if my memory was correct. He looked very odd, with his hair spiking out at weird angles, and his small body curled low to the earth. Suddenly an image sprang to mind, out of one of the many books I had read as part of my training. It had a picture of a boy in a similar position to Briar. And next to it had been a picture of a tree…  
_SANDRY! DAJA! HELP!  
__What is it? _Asked Sandry gloomily.  
_Yes, why disturb us? _Echoed Daja._ Some of us are trying to sleep.  
__Briar is turning himself into a tree! _I said, struggling to stay calm.  
_Is that all? _Muttered Daja sleepily, turning over on her bed to get into a comfier position. _Briar does stuff with trees all the time.  
__I don't think you are quite getting this! _I almost yelled_. BRIAR IS TRYING TO TURN HIMSELF INTO A TREE!  
__Trying to turn HIMSELF into a tree! _Shrieked Sandry._ I thought you said Briar was GROWING a tree.  
__NOW do you see why I'm so upset? _I asked grumpily.  
_Two secs! _Said Daja. _We'll be there in a minute!_

"What do we do?" asked Daja, looking at the inanimate form of Briar, so horribly like Rosethorn's had been, just a day ago. "No idea." I said grimly, sinking into my power. I felt Sandry and Daja do the same. Without hesitation, I threw lightning-bolt hooks into the glowing core that was Briars power. I saw a creamy thread from Sandry follow a second later, and Daja's red wire joined too. _Stop it!_ Briars mind voice was furious. I could feel him hacking away at the lightning ties, trying to resume his transformation. _No._ I stood firm. _We've already lost Rosethorn; we're not loosing you as well. She wouldn't have wanted you to die.  
__I don't know what she would have wanted. She's dead, _replied Briar. _I've already lost myself, so you're not really loosing me, just my ghost. I'm half dead already. Just leave me in peace.  
__**No.**_ All three of us – me, Sandry and Daja – spoke as one. Briar ignored us. He continued attacking our magic ties. Daja was the first to go, all her magic spent. _Coward!_ She cried. _You're a coward!_ _Killing yourself just because you've got problems doesn't actually solve the problems. It creates more. Coward!_ Her presence faded in my mind as her magic vanished. Sandry was next. _I don't want to lose you Briar._ He voice was quiet and sad. _I don't want to lose you. It'd be like Rosethorn all over again. Please don't go._ Her presence dimmed too, as she left, exhausted of magical energy. I was the only one left.

_Let go, Tris._ Briar's faint murmur echoed across our link.  
_Never!_ I strengthened my tie to him, throwing more and more lightning bolts. I felt him start to attack them, severing them one by one. I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold him much longer. _Very well!_ I snarled. _If you will not stop, I will come too!  
__Tris, no! _Briar frantically threw up barriers around his magic, but it was too late. Having no idea what the consequences of my actions might be, I threw my whole magical core into his, melding with him until our magic was intertwined to such an extent that I wasn't sure it would ever be separated again.

A/N Sorry if you don't understand a word of this chapter. I'm not sure I do either. I got the idea of Briar becoming a tree from TCO Street Magic, where Evvy nearly turns herself into a stone. Plz review, all reviewers will be honoured in the final chapter, anonymous or otherwise!


	5. Forgiveness

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it, despite my best efforts to the contrary.**

**5. Forgiveness**

**Briar's POV**

_Tris, no!_ I yelled, but she ignored me. I threw up barriers around my magic, but too late. _I'm staying with you,_ she replied. _Either you kill both of us, or neither of us dies, including you._

_Girls,_ I grumbled. _Why are they so melodramatic? _I sighed. I couldn't take her with me. Reluctantly, I reversed the process I had started, my hair settling back down, my body uncurling. As soon as I opened my eyes, the girls launched themselves at me, hugging me as if I had returned from the dead. Which, in a way, I suppose I had.

After much wailing and hugging on the girls' part, and a thorough scolding from Lark and Niko, I finally managed to get to bed. Lying there, I thought about what each of the girls had said to me in my mind. I realised that what they said had been true. Rosethorn wouldn't have wanted me to die. I _was _a coward, running from my problems. And I was selfish too. The girls would have been devastated, to loose me so soon after Rosethorn. What was worse, Niko had been the one who had said that. I groaned as I realised I would have to apologize, something I didn't really like to do. Especially when Niko was involved. He usually lectured you after an apology. Still, it would have to be done.

Without really realising, I fell asleep, slipping naturally from thought to slumber. On my bedside table, my shakkan stirred, stretching its branches to rest on my pillow. The girls came into my room a while later, I've been told. They each said goodnight to me, apparently. Even Niko came, something I have a hard time believing, as I had been so rude to him. Still, I knew none of this, lost in dreams.

A/N There, my first complete fanfic. Yay! Some people have said that they didn't feel very emotionaly conected to the story, and I admit that the ending probably is quite lame, but there you are. This is my first attempt at any kind of emotional story, so it was never going to be a masterpiece. I am sorry if it didn't live up to your expectations. Review, please, as I may edit this at a later date.


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